Assuming that anyone still reads this little testament to my own perceived importance, sorry it's been so long, will try to do better, etcetera, etcetera.
Now that I have gotten that out of the way.
Anyone who has read this blog, or who knows me well know s that I almost always have what I can only describe as whacked-out and thoroughly bizarre dreams with almost perfect regularity. I occasionally regale my wife with my somnambulent adventures and every once in a while she pays enough attention to comment on "How weird" my dreams are. To be fair, who really likes to hear about other peoples dreams, unless one is being paid that is, so I don't really blame her. In any event, most people in discussions with me often cite that they "never remember their dreams."
This statement has always puzzled me.
I have very often thought to myself, "how is it possible that you DON'T remember your 'fight with a rotting corpse', or 'the feel of a ghost scratching through the floor and bed beneath you from his unhallowed murder grave under the apartment', or 'the hideous undead babies with round mouths filled with fangs that were devouring you?' Please Note: I do also dream of flying, adventuring as a knight in shining armor and on at least one occasion, being a butterfly in the Summerlands, but I digress.
Now I understand. After this past weekend marathon of 'the most boring dreams of all time', I finally understand.
All weekend long I dreamt of tax ledgers or of reviewing reports at work that were completely incomprehensible. There were dull (-er than usual) staff meetings with people I didn't recognize and the inevitable one on one meetings with all of my managers.
It was horrible.
On Saturday night alone I woke myself up 3 times to escape the drudgery. The first time I went, had a glass of water and hoped THAT dream was over. Then found myself in it again. So (thankfully) I woke up again, went and had a glass of milk (see the escalation) and a fig newton. I drifted off to sleep thinking of zombies and trying to hear satanic breathing in the closet.
All to no avail, I was back in the nightmare of work related dreams.
I awoke a third time and seriously considered eating raw chili peppers and watching The Exorcist.
Directors cut.
Yeah, that one.
After drifting off again, I can only say, as so many have said to me, 'I have no recollection of what I dreamt.' Luckily.
Never again will I awake in a sweat, chest heaving from shock, having just seen a monstrous face bobbing to the surface of my toilet with anything but a tear of thanks and a heartfelt appreciation.
love and peace all,
Jer